The voices inside my head are killing me.

Since I started this blog, I tried to keep things in this blog positive, uplifting, peaceful, just general good vibe.
But right now, I want to remind myself, that even when I believe I am exactly where I need to be right now, the 'right now' can still suck. A lot.
It is paralysing.

The voices inside my head are of no help at all.
Not to mention my head is throbbing, this headache of unknown origin is happening.

The voices are telling me-
you can't do anything right.
not even planning something that is supposedly so joyous, so wonderful...
supposedly what everyone seem to make a big deal...
... you can still make it so full of tears
- of loneliness
- of helplessness
- of guilt
- of pain
- of frustration
- of fear
... how is it possible?
I thought the despair and agony was supposed to be over and that nothing can be as bad again.
The emotional roller coaster this year has been challenging.
Right now I feel paralysed. Also I don't know what I can do... the thing is, if it is so bad, what can you possibly do to make it any worse, oh but the fear... the fear of possibly making it worse, is paralysing.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and things that are supposed to happen, will happen.
Breathe.

GPT

God's perfect timing.
Time and time again there are reminders that the dots will join and that what is supposed to happen will happen at the right time. Not a day earlier, not a day later. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right here and now.
It's so easy to live in the past and future.
I need reminders to live in the here and now.

為了XX，你可以去到幾盡？

i just want to find xx.