the one thing that kept a 75 year marriage going.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/long-married-couple_n_4111667.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

the wanch

Another read...

5 Reasons Why Most People Never Discover Their Purpose BY SHELLEY PREVOSTLiving and working with purpose is a process of self-discovery--and one most of us never let ourselves undergo.

"The deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than himself." Soren Kierkegaard

After my last post on How to Know if You're Working (and Living) with Purpose, I had the opportunity to hear from a handful of readers about their fear that the path they've chosen isn't the right one.

We are lured into thinking that the purpose of life equals upward social mobility, establishing a career, accumulating wealth, competing (and winning), and holding power.

Even if we can admit to ourselves that we aren't fulfilled with success' trappings, all too often we cling to our illusions because they're all we know.

Here's what I'd like to propose: Maybe our purpose has nothing to do with what we do for a living. Maybe our purpose is really about living authentically and discovering who we really are.

Most people will never be able comprehend this perspective.

Here's why. 

You live from the outside in, not the inside out.

People are taught from a very young age to look to others for guidance. Social norming is an important part of childhood--you figure out how to act in relation to everyone else--but the problem begins when you extend that process to include something as personal as your life purpose.

Some have earned our trust and the ability to help us find our unique purpose. If that's you, consider yourself lucky!

But most people, even the well meaning, opt instead to fit us into a slot that makes more sense for them. To gain their approval, you willingly slide into the slot. To maintain the approval, you learn to chronically deny who you are.

In too many cases, you live the script for someone else's life.

You look for a career before you listen for a calling.

Our society has reduced success to a list of boxes to be checked: graduate from school, partner up, have kids, settle into a well-defined career path, and hang on until retirement checks can be collected.

This well-worn path pushes people in the direction of conformity, not purpose.

We're so busy avoiding self-induced fears of not being [fill in the blank] enough--smart enough, creative enough, pretty enough--that we rarely stop and ask, "Am I happy and fulfilled? And if not, how should I go about changing things?"

Finding your purpose is about listening to an inner calling. In "Let Your Life Speak," Parker Palmer says that we should let our life speak to us, not tell our life what we're going to do with it.

A calling is passionate and compulsive. It starts as an inkling ("I'd like to try that") then swells into a mandate that you just can't shake.

A calling isn't an easy path, which is why most of us never know it. We fear the struggle, the foolishness, the risk, and the unknown.

So we choose a career because it matches the boxes we've been told to check. 

You hate silence.

We live in a society that does not value silence. It values action.

But living without silence is dangerous. Without it, you end up believing that your ego--and all that it wants--is your purpose. If you play this scenario out, you know it doesn't end well.

Live a life where Ego is in charge and you're left with burnout--and a burning question--"I have a great life. Why am I not fulfilled?"

Silence muffles the noise and creates a space for authenticity to surface. In silence, you can ask yourself questions about how your life and work are really going and pause to wait for the answer. In silence, you give the data of your life the time to converge into a few lessons.

Typically, though, before the lessons have time to sink in you're off to the next distraction. 

You don't like the dark side of yourself.

Carl Jung called it the shadow.

It's the underbelly of your personality that you'd rather others not see. It represents your deficiencies, your failures, and your selfish drives. Most of us flee before anyone has the chance to see this side.

But here's the thing: the part of you that's darkest has the most to teach you about your purpose.

If discovering your purpose is really about self-discovery, your darkness shows you where you most need to grow.

More importantly, it shows you from whom you most need to learn. And it's the people you like least who have the most to teach you about yourself.

But most ignore the dark side. Instead, you seek comfortable relationships that reinforce worn, stale images of yourself.

You devalue the unconscious mind.

In "The Social Animal," David Brooks takes aim at the bias in our culture that "the conscious mind writes the autobiography of our species."

Like Brooks, I believe our culture has a relative disdain for the unconscious mind and all that is represents--emotion, intuition, impulses, and sensitivities.

To discover your purpose, you must get comfortable with the non-logical mind. You must become accustomed to not having the answers. You must tolerate ambiguity and get OK with struggling. You must allow yourself to feel--deeply feel. Thinking your way to a purposeful life will never work.

But this is a tall order for most people. One that they deny, scoff at, ridicule, or downright ignore.

Which is why most of us will live our lives having never known our true purpose.

http://www.inc.com/shelley-prevost/5-reasons-why-most-people-never-discover-their-purpose.html

The voices inside my head are killing me.

Since I started this blog, I tried to keep things in this blog positive, uplifting, peaceful, just general good vibe.
But right now, I want to remind myself, that even when I believe I am exactly where I need to be right now, the 'right now' can still suck. A lot.
It is paralysing.

The voices inside my head are of no help at all.
Not to mention my head is throbbing, this headache of unknown origin is happening.

The voices are telling me-
you can't do anything right.
not even planning something that is supposedly so joyous, so wonderful...
supposedly what everyone seem to make a big deal...
... you can still make it so full of tears
- of loneliness
- of helplessness
- of guilt
- of pain
- of frustration
- of fear
... how is it possible?
I thought the despair and agony was supposed to be over and that nothing can be as bad again.
The emotional roller coaster this year has been challenging.
Right now I feel paralysed. Also I don't know what I can do... the thing is, if it is so bad, what can you possibly do to make it any worse, oh but the fear... the fear of possibly making it worse, is paralysing.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and things that are supposed to happen, will happen.
Breathe.

GPT

God's perfect timing.
Time and time again there are reminders that the dots will join and that what is supposed to happen will happen at the right time. Not a day earlier, not a day later. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right here and now.
It's so easy to live in the past and future.
I need reminders to live in the here and now.

為了XX，你可以去到幾盡？

i just want to find xx.

a goal...

// failed //

newspaper cutting.

How to talk to your daughter about her body...

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-koppelkam/body-image_b_3678534.html

Article about woman's body after childbirth...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joy-gabriel/kate-middleton-and-the-mom-in-the-mirror_b_3672553.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Now I'm ready to welcome my babies onto my lap.

Come, my loves. Let me tell you a story. Mama's belly is different because I had a baby. I had you! This is where I stretched and stretched so you could fit inside! See how even my legs and my knees stretched! Everything moved around to make room for you! I got these dimply thighs and these little purple veins and these roomy hips when I got you! Aren't they beautiful?

It's a miracle and it's the greatest story of my life.

Beauty of life.

1. Prayers for JL. Hearing of her emergency was a heartbreak. Thinking of her heaps. However serious, i'm sure she will pull through. And everything will be ok in the end.

2. What a work day. Hope Aki can recover. Need to learn BAL, and make sure she makes appt tmr. No dramas and relatively eventful day. Tasks completed well. Some tasks to improve on.

3. Time with HM. Dinner. Yum. Sushi. Hehe. Shopping for new flat - fridge and washing machine, wardrobes - check. Alrdy have sofa and mattress. Woohoo.

4. Joyce doing well in Canada. Woot. Annejo recovering in NZ. Brother watching out for property. Everyone progressing along.

5. Drafted email yesterday evening. Edited last night. Waited for one sleep to reply Ma. Hope that's constructive rather than damaging.

Quite overwhelmed!

*** 6. Working on guestlist! WOA!!!

Oh so blessed.

Pressie from J and HQ!

8/9/2007 - that time with the cool black light.

Galneryus - summer music feast #2

1st July 2013...

A few firsts today...
First time at the hk maritime museum
First time at the new legco building
Went to iBakery, awfully quiet
Dream cafe moved location, walked into that park at mk...
Long talks, serious subjects...
A good day and I'm lucky to have such loving and accepting fiance.

Summer music kick off

:)

The law of Love...

is that you are Love, and that as you give Love to others you teach yourself what you are.

Aug 2006. nz.

- other people do not have to change for us to experience peace of mind.

From the book.

Our first step in mind retraining is to establish peace of mind as our single goal. This means thinking of ourselves first in terms of self-fullness, not selfishness. The second step is forgiveness.

Many of us become frustrated when we make the mistake of trying to love others as the first step. In light of our past distorted falues and experiences, some people simply seem unlovable; because of our faulty perception of their behaviour, it is difficult to love them.

When we have peace of mind as a single goal, we can then take the second step, forgiveness, and choose to see others as extending Love, or being fearful and calling for help in the form of Love. With this new perception, it becomes easier to give both total Love and acceptance to the other person and therefore to experience inner peace at the same time.